I am the most intense, creative, passionate, vibrant, flawed, spontaneous, thoughtful, indecisive, charismatic, mysterious person you will ever know. I sing in the car and sometimes in stores while shopping. I like sticking my tongue out at people. I have a slight obsession with coffee. I am supposed to wear glasses when I drive, but I don’t because well….. I think I look like a dork. I rather Sour Patch kids instead of popcorn at the movies. I am a big kid at heart and still like video games, even if I have gradually moved up to the Wii Fit. I care too much about people that could care less about me. I am attracted to the quirky, artistic type of guys rather than the rich, power seeking types. I play in the rain and build sandcastles in the sand. I’d much rather play a board game then go to a club. I believe in adventure. I love romance and doing odd little things like writing notes and sticking them in random places.

 I still don’t know exactly what it is I want in life. But I do know that I want to encounter people, places, and things that find ways to chisel themselves into my heart. I want to see sights and visit places that take my breath away, be it the city over or another country. I want to meet people who put themselves out there and aren’t afraid. I think the small things matter most. I’d rather know that I am on someone’s mind, then receiving any present or material item. I think the road less traveled, is the most adventurous. Abruptly, I will close doors, because I don’t believe in fading things out.  So whatever is set forth before me, I am ready. Hell, I have nothing else planned!

Yes, sometimes I just want to bang my head on my desk. When I attempted to explain to someone why I wasn’t really chatting much online and that I was upset, I was rather even more annoyed by their answer. Mind you it was also the conclusion of the conversation.

“Someday, somewhere – anywhere, unfailingly, you’ll find yourself, and that, and only that, can be the happiest or bitterest hour of your life”
— Pablo Neruda

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” C.S. Lewis

A friend of mine shared this with me. If you understand the meaning, you will find that it is extremely beautiful.

… ”You know that I hate you, Roark. I hate you for what you are, for wanting you, for having to want you. I’m going to fight you-and I’m going to destroy you-and I tell you this as calmly as I told you that I’m a begging animal. I’m going to pray that you can’t be destroyed-I tell you this, too-even though I believe in nothing and have nothing to pray to. But I will fight to block every step you take. I will fight to tear every chance you want away from you. I will hurt you through the only thing that can hurt you-through your work. I will fight to starve you, to strangle you on the things you won’t be able to reach. I have done it to you to today-and that is why I shall sleep with you tonight.” -The Fountainhead, Ayn Rand

She just wants someone to care.
He just needs somebody there.

I hate being the person that fills his voids. At first….at first I was happy. Maybe I was naieve or maybe things just changed. Whatever the case may be, I finanlly came to the realization that I am just not an important aspect in his life.

Sometimes, he has a way of making me feel that I am his world. He has opened up to me in so many ways. The depth of his emotions has left me speechless on many occassions. And I absolutly loved this, knowing and learning so much about a person.

However, what does he know about me? The basics I suppose. And yet, even those he doesn’t really seem to care. I think that I was just so caught up in conversations at times that I never stopped to see that he never tried to get to know me. He just wants me there. He wants to know that I am always available to listen, to joke with, whenever he needs that.

Here is a combined list from my friend and I of 50 awesome places to have ….. sex.